Give every story your best, work as if you already were where you want to be

At trivia night last Tuesday, buddy Stals Kinborg said to me: “It’s all well and good for you to offer tips on your blog, but the rest of us aren’t exactly working with important world events.” It seems he thinks he’s writing about small potatoes for the union magazine, covering Vacation Bible School and new school principals.

OK, so Stals was bit whiny, but only because we had missed a question about the first word of the Declaration of Independence. I was ordering food and didn’t see him writing down the word “We.” I had wrongly assumed he knew it was “When.”

Anyway, Stals, let me tell you, pal, if you want to work for the New York Times or the Wall Street Journal, then pretend you’re there now. Throw everything you’ve got into each story. Look at your output….is it good enough to make it into one of those top-tier news agencies? Sell your soul to the craft. UM professor John Franklin says it takes half a lifetime to learn this craft. But we do it in order to tell stories, he says.

Nigel Coke, a media relations expert based in Jamaica, says communication needs to be loved. If not, then it needs to be dropped. What he means by this is that one has to get excited about the details – is the headline catchy, does the first sentence grab the reader, will the piece sustain? All that needs to be loved.

Stals, you can choose to give every story your best, no matter how small it is. Try different formats, try getting published in major newspapers. Think, “What kind of writing would it take to make the grade?” I’ll even lead by doing my best to demonstrate this idea on a story so small that it wouldn’t even make it in a union magazine. The following are a few of my own attempts at offering the most in-depth, comprehensive coverage:

The Washington Post

HEADLINE: Sweet Money

SUBHEAD: These Hawks are Bakin’ to Eastern Regionals

When Kate Duarte brought to school four-dozen of her chocolate chip cookies laced with peanut butter, she had no idea she would make her daughter's volleyball coach sick.

The mother of varsity co-captain Michelle "Micky" Duarte, Kate, outdid herself in raising money for the team by reaching the nearest customers: school staff.

"I must have eaten a dozen of them," said Coach Marcel Lawrence. "They were so good. Actually, I probably had 13."

While the woman's volleyball squad has been plagued by injuries and poor finishes in close games this season, players hope that funds from yesterday's bake sale will deliver them to next month's tournament at Eastern Union College. There they plan to prove how a now healthy team can recover from an abysmal record and dominate the region's final competition.

But before the team practiced bumping, spiking and defense, they're goal was to raise $500 -- enough to cover the tournament entry fee and travel expenses.

"We can so do that," said Faith Sakahara, junior co-captain. "I'll even wash cars, I don't care. We're going to get ourselves to the tournament no matter what."

Sakahara's road to varsity has

                                                                                    See BAKE SALE, A12, Col. 3

The Wall Street Journal

HEADLINE: Bake Sale Profits Could Send Lady Hawks to Volleyball Tournament

SUBHEAD: 15 % of Entry Fee Still Needed; Flower, Sugar Trading Remain Steady

The Lady Hawks will likely fly to the regional tournament next month after raising nearly their entire entry fee at yesterday's bake sale.

The Eastern Adventist Academy women's volleyball team brought in $423 boosted by strong selling cookies and Rice Crispy treats.

Donations to the sale totaled $30.

Adventist Academies in the region have garnered support for school clubs this year with similar sales, largely serving internal markets of school staff, other students and parents.

Commodities traders have seen an increase in sugar and flower prices, due in part to this spring's strong bake selling season, but more likely poor weather affecting crops in the Midwest and in Hawaii. Honolulu-based H&C Sugar (HCSU) closed yesterday at $12.86 a share – a 4.1% increase since Jan. 1. Golden Flower (GLDF) closed yesterday at $46.20, its 2.3% year-to-date gain stifled by a supply chain heavily dependent on rising oil prices, analysts say.

"While we have many customers in addition to the Lady Hawks, technically it would be accurate to say their sale and others like it are, in part, responsible for our strong first quarter," said Golden Flower chief executive Harlan Frubert in a conference call to shareholders last night.

Transaction records from yesterday's sale revealed several repeat customers for the team chaperon's chocolate chip cookies with peanut butter. The unit, at 75 cents, sold out early after one customer purchased a baker's dozen.

The team declined to offer bulk discounts.

"We're trying to raise money and we didn't feel our own coach was going to go cheap on us and ask for a lower price," said junior co-captain Michelle Duarte, 16 years old.

Yesterday, team officials said they plan to earn the remaining $77 of their tournament fee with a car wash. Players opted for a Friday afternoon operation after viewing National Weather Service reports and receiving parking lot access from Principal Johnson, who

                                                                                                Please turn to page A11

USA Today

HEADLINE: Behind a competitor, hardship and the will to win

SUBHEAD: For Lady Hawks co-captain, Friday's bake sale success could validate an unlikely resurgence

"We're gonna make it baby."

That's varsity volleyball player Faith Sakahara's game speak, her way of telling teammates she expects their bake sale to land them a tournament spot next month.

For Eastern Adventist Academy's Lady Hawks, the regional tournament (4 p.m. ET, 3ABN; game time 5:15) is a chance to mount a comeback for a team once plagued by injuries and late game breakdowns.

For Sakahara, 16, the tournament is all that and much more: a potential validation of an unlikely resurgence in sports and in life.

Two years ago, Sakahara was at rock bottom, struggling to come to terms with her release off nearby Eastern Public High's volleyball team and a series of finger injuries. Her parents had separated and her brother was into drugs.

"Before I got here I was so unhappy," Sakahara recalls. "I was kind of messed up and didn't have good friends."

Today, thanks partly to Mark Finley, an Adventist evangelist who saw something special in the Sakahara family, Sakahara has found her niche.

She's co-captain of a varsity team, one whose

                                                                     Please see RESURGENCE next page ►

New York Post

HEADLINE: Teen Girls Found Selling at School

SUBHEAD: Principal Knew of Operation Involving Minors, Hundreds of Dollars

The Washington Times

HEADLINE: Free market wins at Lady Hawks' bake sale

SUBHEAD: Boehner praises enterprising approach to tournament entry

New York Times

HEADLINE: Iraqi citizens, poor left out of food distribution

SUBHEAD: Women without voting rights made to do all work

The obituary, Part 3: When the person dies “before their time”

When the subject dies “before their time,” a news obit should contain additional details on the cause of death, generally a paragraph or two following the lead paragraph.

Here’s a link to The Washington Post story on the death of professional wrestler “Macho Man” Randy Savage: http://wapo.st/lWrBF5

Here’s how The Washington Times lead the story of the 2007 assassination of Benazir Bhutto: Well, never mind, I can’t find it online. So I’ll quote from a paper copy I have (Note to IP lawyers who might consider suing me for this: Remember, this is for educational purposes and I am only quoting three paragraphs out of the story’s total of 28. Cross my fingers):

Political icon Benazir Bhutto was killed in a suicide attack, all but ending a bid by moderate civilian politicians to take on militant Muslims who have made Pakistan the hub for global terrorism.

Mrs. Bhutto, 54, had just finished addressing a campaign rally of her Pakistan Peoples Party (PPP) in Rawalpindi, a suburb of the capita, Islamabad.

As she rose through the sunroof of her lightly armored sport utility vehicle, an assassin hit the opposition leader and former prime minister with at least two bullets before blowing himself up.

GOOT saves the day

I learned a great tip in J-school one day when my adviser was telling me old war stories in his office.

Bill Tillinghast shared with me a formula on how to interview someone when you’re flying blind. Use the GOOT formula if you find yourself stuck or unprepared. You can also incorporate it into interviews that you are prepared for. GOOT stands for:

Goals

Obstacles

Overcome

Timetable

Back in the day, Tillinghast found himself sitting on the front row at a press conference covering the event for a newspaper. Apparently, a delegation from Japan had traveled to the United States for some high-level business networking. Many reporters were present, including other print publications, radio, and a row of TV news photographers in the back. 

When the event seemed to stall before it even started, he realized everyone was looking to him to take the lead. That’s when he wished he hadn’t sat front-row center because he had no clue what the event was about. It may have been that half the reporters there were just as unaware. Still, everyone needed a few quotes so they could get on with it and leave. So he used GOOT:

“What are your goals for this trip?” Tillinghast asked the man at the podium. The man spoke about the partnerships they hoped to make.

“What obstacles might you face?” he asked. The man from Japan talked about logistics of travel and potential cultural barriers.

“How are you going to overcome those obstacles?” Tillinghast asked, feeling pretty good about his progress. The man said his delegation would try to make as many meetings as possible and that the content of their proposals would create interest among business communities in the U.S.

“What’s your timetable?” Tillinghast asked, his work being finished. The man on the platform talked about the itinerary for the rest of the trip.

Done.

At a basic level, GOOT is enough to give reporters a sense of what the subject is out to do, what’s at stake, and their schedule for doing it.

You can use GOOT on almost anyone – a new president, director, or even a new college graduate.

You can even use it on your kids the next time they ask to borrow money (the Timetable being “When are you gonna pay me back?”).

Introducing…

The new person - anyone from a coach or pastor to a principal or president.

This is fairly straightforward type of story, but sometimes these can drag on with glowing accolades about the outgoing person.

Generally, get the outgoing person’s name and details early in the story and in one sentence. Then be done with it. This story is about the new person, their goals and their history. The outgoing person isn’t news in this story. Here's a good example of how this can be written:

Diop replaces Barry Bussey, who served in the position since 2008 and left earlier this year to take a position in Canada.

Notice the short explanation of the outgoing person’s reason for leaving. In this case, the outgoing person left for another job. In other cases, the new person replaces someone who retired (http://bit.ly/nIdCSO) or died (http://bit.ly/xC0rW8). A short explanation within that sentence makes the transition graceful for the organization and for the reader. No need for the board chair or mayor to offer a two-paragraph quote about the outgoing person anywhere in the story.

Sometimes the outgoing person left because they were fired. If so, and if you’re writing for PR, just put a short mention of the person, but an explanation is not necessary:

[New guy] replaces [old guy], who served in the position since [year].

The obituary, Part 2

My previous post highlighted a basic pattern of writing an obituary—one that flows well and is found in most obituary sections of major market dailies. Today, I’d like to highlight the work of feature obit writer Stephen Miller of The Wall Street Journal. His consistent use of feature leads and less formal attention to the traditional outline are unique. Still, he uses the inverted pyramid with a graceful, literary narrative.

FIRST SENTENCE: Summarize the person and who they were and what they accomplished/were known for.

SECOND SENTENCE: [Last name], who died [day or date] at age [age], was [more specific information about the person as described in the lead].

Here are a couple of examples: (you may need to be a subscriber to see some of these)

- http://on.wsj.com/n119BQ

- http://on.wsj.com/n1WIcJ

Once in a while, this pattern also shows up elsewhere: http://news.adventist.org/en/all-news/news/go/2011-07-28/remembrance-hale-84-championed-diversity-in-higher-education/

There is no mention of where they died or their cause of death. Really, it’s not always necessary. Plus, it’s not a shock to hear that an 89-year-old died. The reader can figure it out that it was just their time. Plus, feature obits usually introduce the reader to a person they’ve never heard about—there’s no need to get into the specifics of the death. An obit focuses on their life. Miller’s obits highlight anyone from a humble businessman who became wealthy by manufacturing plumbing pipes to a “famous” butter cow sculptor: http://on.wsj.com/oTbLif.

In 2006, while working for the New York Sun, Miller told the USA Today, "It's never been my interest to do the common man. I like the second-tier inventor. I want to know more about them and tell their stories in amusing ways."

Only if the person dies fairly young does he point out the cause of death—a 64-year-old dies of cancer: http://on.wsj.com/r2Q25t

Sometimes he may delay the date of death and age a paragraph or two: http://on.wsj.com/r6Tm79

Miller generally uses the traditional formula of going back to the beginning of the person’s life roughly half way through the piece (as outlined in my previous post), though he isn’t as thorough about giving their full name, date of birth and exact location. It works well considering his casual, feature style:

-http://on.wsj.com/qRg3dt.
-http://on.wsj.com/nIuSfY

The obituary

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Obituaries are a great way to tighten your writing by following one of several patterns. Today’s post will focus on the pattern found in most newspapers. A future post will examine a slightly different pattern.

A well-written obituary is a great way to honor someone. Unfortunately, many death notices released by organizations are written to wander all over the place. Keep in mind, it’s good to use the inverted pyramid, but not to get it mixed up with the idea of writing the story chronologically. The following is an examination of how the inverted pyramid pattern develops an effective obit. Just pick up a major market newspaper and see if this isn’t the case. (a example follows below)

Name, title, who they were and what they accomplished, died on [date] in [location] of [cause of death]. He was [age].

Several paragraphs of the significance of their life, in descending order of importance.

(About halfway or two-thirds the way through the story, go back to the very beginning, giving their full name at birth, their birthday and location born.)

Ansel Charles Oliver was born on July 14, 1900 in Sacramento, California, and graduated from Pacific Union College in Angwin.

Several paragraphs of their education and early career, and bring reader back to the point before they started becoming a success as noted earlier (or started becoming a spectacular failure, in the case, say, of Charles Manson).

End with surviving loved ones.

A lot of beginners write effective leads, but then mistakenly think the second paragraph needs to go back to the day they were born and deliver the rest of the story chronically. But that is not the inverted pyramid.

Of course there are exceptions. Still, it’s helpful to know this pattern in order to write obits that flow well. Here’s a great example, written by Arin Gencer of The Los Angeles Times and Baltimore Sun fame: http://news.adventist.org/en/archive/articles/2011/02/22/blue-zones-icon-jetton-dies-at-106

The Washington Post, as well as others, sometimes eliminate the second sentence of the first paragraph by putting the person's age between commas after the name: http://wapo.st/oOtWif

Also, if it's a long, feature obit, you can put another few paragraphs after the list of survivors. It ends on a sweet, literary note. Great example by Matt Schudel of the Washington Post: http://wapo.st/rkBBsG

A future post will examine other, more creative variances, which still follow their own pattern.

Formula for fewer words

Today’s formula is literally a formula. It comes from Stephen King’s book On Writing – kinda raw, but it has lots of good tips, including this one:

Final draft = first draft – 10%

Meaning: your final draft should have fewer words than your first draft.

Here’s an exercise: Take your final draft, and shorten each sentence by a word or two. See if you can trim without losing any meaning. It will make your remaining words stronger.

Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, said “When words are many, sin is not absent.” (Proverbs 10:19)

A lot of good writers started off as reporters – Mark Twain, Ernest Hemingway, etc.  Journalism forces you to cut the fat out of your writing so you’re just left with the meat. Each remaining word has more meaning and punch.  Check out the lead sentence of Hemingway’s book The Old Man and the Sea:

He was an old man who fished alone in a skiff in the Gulf Stream and he’d gone eight-four days now without taking a fish.

No wasted adjectives or adverbs. Just good, tight writing that incorporates most, if not all, of the 5 Ws and the H (who, what, when, where, why and how).

Report what happened and what it means

University of Maryland journalism professor John Franklin said the job of a journalist is to report:

-What happened

-What it means

A good journalist tells the news, but also proves to the reader why its worth reporting.

Also, it’s tough for a writer to admit this, but most readers aren’t going to read everything you write.  If they only read one sentence, serve them by making your leads tight and giving them the most important info: 1. What happened and 2. What it means (the significance).

Here is a great example, illustrated in a story from The Washington Times on December 28, 2007:

HEADLINE: Bhutto assassinated

SUBHEAD: Heavy blow to moderate factions

Political icon Benazir Bhutto was killed in a suicide attack, all but ending a bid by moderate civilian politicians to take on militant Muslims who have made Pakistan the hub for global terrorism.

Notice how this pattern appears effectively both in the lead, as well as in the headline/subhead. The headline says what happened and the subhead says what it means. The lead sentence also says both the news and the significance. And notice how that lead sentence does that: It tells what happens, and then a comma appears before the explanation of the significance. A writer shouldn’t do this every time, but it’s done often in many top news organizations.

Here's a lead from the archives of the Southern Judea Union magazine:

A man walked out of his tomb three days after dying by crucifixion, giving strong credence to his claim of being the Messiah.   

Here's one we published today: http://news.adventist.org/en/archive/articles/2011/09/06/inter-american-seminary-achieves-full-accreditation-status

A few recent issues of The Wall Street Journal (the U.S.’s top-selling paper) offer several leads that reveal this pattern:

What happened [comma] what it means.  Here are the phrases that follow that comma:

, a move that…
, the first time a…

, the latest sign…

, potentially setting the stage for…

, forcing a debate…

in a move that (no comma)...

, reflecting an increase…

, marking the beginning…

, underscoring…

, ending a tumultuous year…

, raising concerns…

, in a high-stakes clash…

, boosting the drug’s prospect of…

, stoking fears that…
, trumping...
, offering evidence...
, as mixed [industry study] data...
, quickening the pace of...

These words in a headline mean you've missed the core issue

This is a follow-up to the August 30 post.

If you have any of these words in your headline, you’ve missed the issue in the story. Go back and look beneath the façade of a meeting or speech and report the real issue, conclusion or what was accomplished.

Gathered

Speaks

[Fill in the blank] issues discussed

[Name of meeting theme]

Held

Convene

Attend

Meets